If you follow me on Instagram then you probably have seen that Will and I welcomed a new addition to our family a handful of weeks ago… so, I thought I’d tell you about it.
William “Liam” Ramirez Kelly born Wednesday, 20th May 2015 at 14:02 | 7lbs 11oz | 21.5 inches
When I was 35 weeks pregnant I had a scan confirming that I had Placenta Previa (a low-lying placenta) and so I had to have a cesarean section. I got the c-section date, and new due date, of May 20th. Honestly, I was really nervous about this. I had never had a surgery like this before and I wasn’t looking forward to the hospital stay; I knew I would just want to go home as soon as possible (nurses don’t make very good patients). I was worried about the recovery and being even more useless after having felt useless most of the pregnancy. Would I even be able to pick up my baby?? I also felt like I would be missing out on a womanly rite of passage. Where would my water break? How many expletives would I yell in a single push? How long would I be in labour? Would I be able to handle the contractions? So, many things I was expecting to go through, and quite honestly, was looking forward to going through them. Now, I wouldn’t get the chance.
Everything the morning of the 20th happened so slowly until my name was called to get prepped for the surgery. From that point on it was as if everything went into hyperdrive! We went upstairs to change into our gowns and then we were walked straight into the OR where the staff were waiting for me. The next thing I know I’ve got two IV’s in my hand, a needle in my back, and the staff are lifting my heavy legs onto the table. In no time Will is sitting by my side, I’m numb from the chest down, and a barrier is put up so I can’t see the surgeon at work. It was all getting so real so fast.
I’m not sure how long I thought it would take to hear my baby’s first cries but I think it took all of 1.3 seconds! He came out of the womb crying and as soon as I heard our baby I immediately started crying. See, the whole pregnancy I wondered how I could/would love someone I hadn’t even met yet! Will would talk to my belly every day telling our baby how much he loved it but I didn’t. I didn’t know how I felt towards our baby because I didn’t feel attached to it yet. It wasn’t until we got the cesarean date when I actually started to look forward to meeting our baby. I wondered who it would look like, me or Will? What would its cries sound like? Would I be able to breastfeed? Would it hurt? All of these questions made me eager to meet our little guy and get stuck into motherhood. But I still didn’t know how I felt towards our baby. At least not until I heard him cry. The minute I heard him cry I felt connected to him — I knew I loved him.
After Will came back from helping clean up Liam, we took a couple of selfies while the surgeon stitched me up. Then I was wheeled into recovery to get some blood, breast feed (which, surprisingly, doesn’t hurt like hell until later), and let our families know how it all went. I ended up in a private room on the ward – praise God! – and stayed for only two days.
Coming home with Liam was another overwhelming moment. Seeing him in our flat in his moses basket was too much for me to handle — we were all home! I went into the bathroom and cried. Will had followed me in there and held me as I repeatedly said how much I love our little boy.
The last 5 1/2 weeks with him have been an eye opening roller coaster. I am thirsty All. The. Time. We have an amazing community that loves us and loves our son. I am sooooo tired but don’t like naps. I’m not as useless as I thought I would be for as long as I feared I would be for. My hanger has gone to new levels. Our families are absolutely wonderful! My mommy brain is far worse than my pregnancy brain ever was. Liam is eating Like. A. Boss. I’ve realized exactly how bad I am at asking for help and accepting it. I want more kids! I have the greatest husband in the whole world! And I’m so in love with our son!
One thing I didn’t anticipate is how much I love being a mom. I was nervous that my selfish self would struggle with my new “ball ‘n chain” but I love it. I don’t mind that I can’t just up and leave or that Will and I can’t sit in a cafe for a few hours. None of that matters as much as they used to. Of course, the tiredness is soooooo intense sometimes and breastfeeding can hurt like a B and I struggle to put complete sentences together but I don’t mind it as much as i thought I would. I’m finding so much joy in being a mom – especially being Liam’s mom!
So, there you have it. My mom story!